
T. S, DENISON a COMPANY 

PUBUSHERS CHICAGO 



DENISON'S ACTING PLAYS 

Partial List of Successful and Popular Plays. Large Catalogue Free. 
Price ISc each. Postpaid, Unless Different Price Is Given 



DRAMAS, COMEDIES, 
ENTERTAINMENTS, Etc. 

M, F. 

Aaron Boggs, Freshman, 3 

acts, 2J4 hrs (2Sc) 8 8 

Abbu San of Old Japan, 2 acts, 

2 hrs (25c) 15 

After the Game, 2 acts, 1^ 

hrs (25c) 1 9 

All a Mistake, 3 acts, 2 hrs. 

(25c) 4 4 

All on Account of Polly, 3 acts, 

2^4 hrs (25c) 6 10 

American Hustler, 4 acts, 2^ 

hrs (2Sc) 7 4 

As a Woman Thinketh, 3 acts, 

254 hrs (25c) 9 7 

At the End of the Rainbow, 3 

acts, 2^ hrs (25c) 6 14 

Bank Cashier, 4 acts, 2 hrs. 

(25c) 8 4 

Black Heifer, 3 acts, 2 h. (25c) 9 3 
Boy Scout Hero, 2 acts, V/i hrs. 

(25c) 17 

Brookdale Farm, 4 acts, 2^ 

hrs (25c) 7 3 

Brother Josiah, 3 acts, 2 hrs. 

(25c) 7 4 

Burns Rebellion, 1 hr....(25c) 8 5 
Busy Liar, 3 acts, 2^ h. (25c) 7 4 
Civil Service, 3 acts, 2^/4 hrs, 

(25c) 6 5 

College Town, 3 acts, 2% 

hrs (25c) 9 8 

Danger Signal, 2 acts, 2 hrs. . 7 4 
Daughter of the Desert, 4 

acts, 2^ hrs (25c) 6 4 

Deacon Dubbs, 3 acts, 21/4 hrs. 

(25c) 5 5 

Deacon Entangled, 3 acts, 2 hrs. 

(25c) 6 4 

Down in Dixie, 4 acts, 2^/$ 

hrs (25c) 8 4 

Dream That Came True, 3 

acts,- 2^ hrs (25c) 6 13 

Editor-in-Chief, 1 hr (25c) 10 

Enchanted Wood, 1^ h(35c).Optnl. 
Everyyouth, 3 acts, 1^ h. (25c) 7 6 
Face at the Window, 3 acts, 2 

hrs .(25c) 4 4 

Fun on the Podunk Limited, 

^ IVs hrs (25c) 9 14 

Heiress of Hoetown, 3 acts, 2 

hrs (25c) 8 4 

Her Honor, the Mayor, 3 acts, 

2_ hr^ ■ ' " ~'^' {Zn ' " 



rxigh School Freshman, 3 acts, 
2 hrs (25c) 12 

Honor of a Cowboy, 4 acts, 2*/i 

hrs (25c) 13 4 

Indian Days, 1 hr (SOc) 5 2 



M. F. 

In Plum Valley, 4 acts, 2^ 

hrs. (25c) 6 4 

Iron Hand, 4 acts, 2 hrs.. (25c) 5 4 
Jayville Junction, lYz hrs. (25c) 14 17 
Kicked Out of College, 3 acts, 

214 hrs (25c) 10 9 

Kingdom of Heart's Content, 3 

acts, 2^ hrs. ..... . (25c) 6 12 

Laughing Cure, 2 acts, 1^ hrs. 

(25c) -4 5 

Lexington, 4 acts, 254 h..(25c) 9 4 
Little Buckshot, 3 acts, 2^ hrs. 

CSc) 7 4 

Lodge of Kye Tyes, 1 hr.(25c)13 
Man from Borneo, 3 acts, 2 

hrs (25c) 5 2 

Mirandy's Minstrels (25c) Optn!. 

Mrs. Tubbs of Shantytown, 3 

acts, 214 hrs (25c) 4 7 

New Woman, 3 acts, 1 hr.... 3 6 
Old Maid's Club, lYz hrs. (.25c) 2 16 
Old Oaken Bucket, 4 acts, 2 

hrs (25c) 8 6 

Old School at Hick'ry Holler, 

\% hrs (25c) 12 9 

On the Little Big Horn, 4 acts, 

21/2 hrs (25c) 10 4 

Out in the Streets, 3 acts, 1 hr. 6 4 
Parlor Matches, 2 acts, V/z hrs. 

(25c) 4 5 

Poor Married Man, 3 acts, 2 

hrs (25c) 4 4 

Prairie Rose, 4 acts, 2y2 h.(25c) 7 4 

Rummage Sale, 50 min 4 10 

Rustic Romeo, 2 acts, 2^ 

hrs, (25c) 10 12 

-Savageland, 2 acts, 2j4 hrs. (50c) 5 5 
School Ma'am, 4 acts, 1^ hrs. 6 S 
Scrap of Paper, 3 acts, 2 hrs. . 6 6 
Sewing for the Heithen, 40 min. 9 
Southern Cinderella, 3 acts, 2 

hrs (25c) 7 

Star Bright, 3 acts, 2^ h. (25c) 6 5 
Teacher, Kin I Go Home? 2 

scenes, 35 min 7 3 

Those Dreadful Twins, 3 acts, 

2 hrs (25c) 6 4 

Thread of Destiny, 3 acts, 2i/$ 

hrs (2Sc) 9 16 

Tonv, the Convict, 5 acts, 21/^ 

hrs (25c) 7 4 

Town Marshal, 4 acts, 254 

hrs (25c) 6 3 

Trial of Hearts, 4 acts, 2^ hrs. 

(25c) 6 18 

Trip to Storyland, Wa. hrs.(25c) 17 23 



Under Blue Skies, 4 acts, 2 

hrs (25c) 7 10 

Under the Laurels, 5 acts, 2 hrs. 6 4 
When the Circus Came to 

Town, 3 acts, 2% hrs. (25c) 5 3 



T.S.DENISON & COMPANY,Publishers,154W. Randolph St.. Chicago 



WALK THIS WAY, PLEASE 



A SATIRE ON SHOPPING 



BY 

SOPHIE HUTH PERKINS 

AUTHOR OF 

'Mirandy's Minstrels" and "The Colored Suffragettes. 




CHICAGO 

T. S. DENISON & COMPANY 

Publishers 



WALK THIS WAY, PLEASE 



INTRODUCING 

LoTT A. Coyne The Proprietor 

Peter Hudson A Customer 

GussiE Shanks The Floor Walker 

''Smoke''^ Johnson The CJimtffeur 

Bobbie A Young Hopeful 

RosiE Shayne ) s^i^^ Q-^i^ 

Sallie Brady, j 

Mrs. Potts In jam A Fussy Customer 

Mrs. Hightower A Shopper 

Gertrude A Bride-to-Be 

Dorothy Pert and Pretty 

JosiE. ... ~) 

Mabel... ' ^^^^^;^ 

Angie ... 
Flossie. . J 

Note : Bobbie and Dorothy may be given more to do, accord- 
ing to their capabilities. Or these parts may be eliminated without 
injury to the play's success. 



Scene — A Department Store, 



Time — Today. 



Place — Any City. 



Playing Time — About Fifty Minutes. 



COPYRIGHT. 1917, BY EBB^ H. NORRIS. 

2 



OCT 20 1917 



CI.D ^48099 



WALK THIS WAY. PLEASE 



COSTUMES AND CHARACTERS. 

LoTT A. Coyne — A foppish, youthful and likable Eng- 
lishman of the high-hat and monocle type. He is droll in 
speech and slightly eccentric in actions ; lately come into 
money and invested it in the "smart shop" and general 
department store business, of which his knowledge is ex- 
tremely limited. He wears same clothes throughout, fea- 
turing high-hat and monocle. 

Peter Hudson — A crabby old man, aged about sixty. 
Ruddy face, gray side whiskers and hair. Wears English 
walking suit, derby hat, gray silk gloves and walking stick. 
Is old but still has young ideas, and fond, perhaps, of the 
girls. 

GussiE Shanks — Strongly feminine in speech and ac- 
tions. Wears extremely tight clothing, but withal a proper 
and dapper young man in his own estimation. "My dear, 
you should see him." 

"Smoke^"' Johnson — A droll young darkey. He is at- 
tired in chauffeur's uniform, leather leggings, etc. 

RosiE Shayne — Typical shop girl. The kind you have 
seen and always will see behind a counter. With her, 
gum-chewing is an indoor sport and the latest face make-up 
and hair-dress, an art. 

Sallie Brady — Of the same brand, but in addition to 
the "crimes" mentioned in Miss Shayne's category, has 
added the agony of "keeping her hair on straight." 

Josie, Mabel, Angte and Flossie — Four stunning, beau- 
tiful and modish young maidens. They have no lines in 
play and are selected because of their beauty and their 
ability to wear clothes. They are demonstrators of the last 
gasp in feminine creations. 

Mrs. Potts Injam — A matron of about forty. Wears 
handsome gown and highly cultivated manners. Her limou- 
sine is at the door and she doesn't care who knows it. 

Mrs. Hightower — One of our newly rich, aged about 
thirty. She tries to be swagger and dress accordingly, and 



4 WALK THIS WAY, PLEASE 

almost succeeds. Of course you know she has just returned 
from abroad. 

Gertrude — An extremely nervous young person, but 
pretty and stylish and therefore easily forgiven. She is 
shopping for a trousseau and has "such a time." She might 
even have to go abroad for her outfit — one never can tell. 

Bobbie — About twelve years of age and has lived every 
minute of it. Somewhere he has a fond mama and papa, 
which means that he is allowed to roam at large in our 
store — which he does. 

Dorothy — A "perfect little lady" of ten or twelve. You 
know the kind. You observe her and then wonder "who 
brought her up." Wears a fetching little frock and a dim- 
pled smile, so perhaps you may like her after all. 



Note to Producers : "Walk This Way, Please," is a smart 
little comedy as written, and may easily be adapted to musical com- 
edy by the introduction of song numbers, ad lib, also by adding 
several more style models as a chorus. The stage setting and 
dressing are vastly important to make a successful production, and 
the possibilities for a stunning effect are unlimited with the idea 
conveyed in this vehicle. Your local shops may be called upon to 
supply you the latest modes in men's and women's apparel, for which 
credit on program may be given. More than four models for 
finale may be employed if available, but if more are used, quicker 
action in displaying them is suggested. The appearance of "Smoke," 
instead of the expected girl, is a great punch finale and should not 
fail to evoke gales of laughter and applause. 




WALK THIS WAY, PLEASE 



Scene Plot. 



SCENE PLOT 

Elevated 
Display Rack P latfor m Display Rack 



Curtains at 



Counter 
Counter i 1 i — i 

-^ ' Table ' ^''^"' ^ E^^t 




LIST OF PROPERTIES. 

Men's and women's wearing apparel in profusion. 

Style charts and mode pictures to hang on wings and back 
drop. 

Comedy hat with long feather for Coyne's business. 

Roll of paper money for Coyne. 

Shopping list for Gertrude. 

Cigarette and silver case for Coyne. 



WALK THIS WAY, PLEASE 



Scene: A section in a department store. (See scene 
plot.) At back of stage are racks on which are displayed 
gowns, skirts, coats and general apparel for women. On 
counters R. and L. is a line of drygoods, gloves, handker- 
chiefs, jewelry, toilet articles, etc. Also two or three boxes 
of men's shirts and fancy haberdashery. On counter L. are 
tzvo or three boxes of women's shoes. Table at C. 
is used for the display of millinery. At back C. is a raised 
platform, reached by tzvo or three steps, and zvith draw- 
curtains at front for the display of the girl models at near 
finale. 

At rise Rosie and Sallie .are discovered back of coun- 
ters engaged in the arranging of goods on display. They 
move languidly about their tasks, Rosie vigorously chewing 
on a wad of gum, while Sallie patises every few seconds 
to arrange hair-dress. 

Rosie (yawns and stretches in exaggerated manner). Oh, 
dear! 

Sallie. I'm not keeping you up, am I ? 

Rosie. Subside, my dear ; subside. (Loftily.) You may 

speak to me merely after I speak to you. You are not to 

intrude yourself upon my personality, Miss Brady. I shall 

soon fly far above you, socially and otherwise. Watch me 

jkfly, my dear. Watch me fly. (Moves arms to imitate bird 

\ on wing.) 

^ Sallie. Well, I never saw a bird yet that didn't have 

to come down to roost once in a while. 

Rosie. Ah, my dear, he smiled at me — actually smiled 
at me. 

Sallie. Who smiled at you? 

Rosie. Mr. Coyne. 

Sallie. Mr. Coyne, our new proprietor — he smiled at 



you? 



6 



WALK THIS WAY, PLEASE 7 

RosiE. Uh-huh ! 

Sallie. I don't blame him. The first time I saw you 
I laughed right out loud. 

RosiE. Aw, you're jealous; or two-faced. That's it — 
you're two-faced. 

Sallie. Say, do you suppose if I had another face I'd 
be wearing this one? 

Rosie (laughs). Cheer up; maybe you'll be invited to 
my wedding. 

Sallie. Maybe I will, but I won't have to go. 
Enter Gussie, R., followed by Hudson. 

GussiE {effeminate zvalk and voice). Walk this way, 
please. 

Hudson (testily). Say, I couldn't walk that way in a 
thousand years. (Suddenly discovers the girls, prepares 
for flirtation.) 

GussiE (to girls). Have you seen Mr. Coyne in this part 
of the store this morning? 

RosiE. No, sir. 

Sallie. It's too early for him. 

Hudson. Too early? Eleven o'clock too early? I'm up 
every morning at seven. 

Sallie. So is Mr. Coyne, but only when he hasn't been 
to bed the night before. 

GussiE (to Hudson). You see, sir, Mr. Coyne is not 
particularly fond of business. But, otherwise, he's a lovely 
man. 

RosiE. Indeed he is. 

Hudson. I don't care how lovely he is. I came in to 
purchase some merchandise. 

RosiE, Sallie and Gussie (in chorus). Certainly — de- 
lighted — charmed — 

Hudson (interrupting) . But I prefer a human being to 
wait on me. (To Sallie.) You're not a bad sort, young 
woman. But as for your friend there — (indicating Rosie) 
her extreme cruelty to a stick of gum makes her an outlaw 
with me, commercially and socially. 

Rosie (haughtily). Sir! 



8 WALK THIS WAY, PLEASE 

Hudson. After witnessing your expert mastication, it's 
easy to understand why gum manufacturers become million- 
aires. {To GussiE.) As for you, I give you a fond pooh- 
pooh. (Lifts hat and kisses finger tips at Sallie, then 
exits L. RosiE gasps and Sallie laughs.) 

GussiE. The scoundrel ! I shall throw him out ! 

Sallie. Too late, my hero. He's already out. 

Enter from R., Mrs. Injam, Mrs. Hightower, Bobbie 
and Dorothy. They come on ad lib. chatter and con- 
fusion. 

Mrs. H. (as she enters). Really, Mrs. Injam, the per- 
sons you come in contact with, in the shops nowadays is the 
height of something. You krow, I don't believe I've met 
you since I returned from abroad. 

Mrs. I. Oh, you've been abroad? I hadn't heard. I 
suppose you saw the Dardanelles? 

Mrs. H. Oh, yes ; we took dinner with them twice. 

Bobbie (to Mrs. H., indicating Gussie). Oh, mama, 
look at the funny man. 

Mrs. I. (reprovingly). Hush, Bobbie. That isn't a man. 
That's a floor walker. 

Dorothy (to Mrs. L). Ask him something, mother. 
Maybe he can talk. 

Gussie (haughtily ignoring the children — to Mrs. H.). 
Are you looking for service, madam? 

Mrs. H. Certainly. What do you suppose we came in 
here for? 

Mrs. I. Did you ever hear of such impertinence ! 

Gussie. I beg your pardon, madam. I'm not myself 
today. 

Mrs. H. We don't care who you are, today or tomor- 
row. 

Dorothy. Oh, mother, he can talk, can't he? 

Mrs. I. (to Gussie). If you wish to make yourself use- 
ful, you may go down to the door and tell James — James 
is my chauffeur — tell James — you'll find him in a big blue 
limousine, silver trimmed, most completely equipped tour- 
ing car ever imported — tell James to — that car cost a fabu- 



WALK THIS WAY, PLEASE 9 

lous sum, I can tell you — well, you run down and tell James, 
and please hurry, won't you? 

GussiE (bezvildered) . Yes, yes, madam; but what shall 
I tell him? 

Mrs. I. Why, I've forgotten now : but run down and tell 
him something — clear out ! 

GussiE, with hand to head, staggers dazedly off R. 
Bobbie and Dorothy begin to paw articles over on coun- 
ters. RosiE and Sallie attempt to restrain them, hut finally 
give up in despair. 

Mrs. H. {to Rosie). Young woman, I'm not certain 
whether I shall make a purchase today or not. But whether 
I do or not, you will please show me only the most expen- 
sive articles. Nothing but the most expensive. Under- 
stand ? 

RosiE. Yes, ma'am. But whatta you want to look at ? 

Mrs. H. (haughtily) . That is no affair of yours. Miss — 
(Gasps and Sallie smothers a laugh.) 

Mrs. I. (to Mrs. H.). These shop persons are becom- 
ing more and more intolerable every day. 

Mrs. H. You are quite right, my dear Mrs. Injam. 
Nothing like the sales persons they have abroad. Suppose 
we have Mr. Coyne wait on us. He's from abroad, you 
know. 

Mrs. I. Splendid ! I hear he's a delightful young man. 
(To Sallie.) Please summon Mr. Coyne. 

Sallie. He's not to be summoned. He ain't down yet. 

RosiE. In the meantime, ladies, you might buy some- 
thing from us. It wouldn't give you a headache. 

Mrs. H. Who said anything about buying, young woman ! 

Mrs. I. No, we are merely shopping. Come, Dorothy. 

Mrs. H. Come along, Bobbie. (Going L.) 

Mrs. I. (going L.). We'll have a look at some of the 
other sections while we wait for Mr. Coyne. 

(Dorothy and Bobbie reluctantly leave the mussing up 
of articles and follozv the zvomen. They exeunt L., chatter- 
ing ad lib.) 



10 WALK THIS WAY, PLEASE 

Sallie (laughingly). Well, wouldn't that blow your hat 
in the river ! 

RosiE (meaningly). Thank goodness, my time here is 
extremely limited. (Both busy themselves in straightening 
articles on counters.) 

Sallie. I know what you mean, girlie. But you'd better 
sidetrack that idea of kidnapping Mr. Coyne. There ain't 
a chance in the world for you. 

RosiE (loftily). Oh, I don't know. What has been done 
can be done again, I guess. 

Sallie. No wedding bells for me, my dear. Marriage 
is like riding in an auto with a flat tire — you journey 
through life, but you bump all the way. 

Gussie (off R.). Walk this way, please. 

Sallie. Oh, he's in again ! 

Enter Gussie, R., follozved by Gertrude. 

Gertrude (to Rosie and Sallie). Good morning. I am 
so glad to find you disengaged. (To Gussie.) Thank you 
for directing me. I shan't need you any further. (Gussie 
smiles and exits R. Gertrude, to Sallie, confidentially.) 
You know, Vm going to be married — 

Sallie (interrupting). Are you quite sure you are? 

Gertrude. Why, certainly. 

Sallie. Well I didn't know. (With a meaning glance 
at RosiE.) Some folks only think they are. (Rosie grim- 
aces.) 

Gertrude. I came in today to select my trousseau. I'm 
— I'm so very nervous I don't know what to do. 

Rosie. We're showing some awful nice things for brides 
this season — azvful nice ! 

Gertrude. So I hear. I wanted mama to come, but 
she had a headache and I just couldn't put it ofif another 
day. So — by the way, is Mr. Coyne about? (Rosie and 
Sallie grimace.) I should so like to have him show me — 
I've heard so much about him, you see, that I would just 
love to — 

Sallie (interrupting, wearily). Yes, ma'am. But you'll 



WALK THIS WAY, PLEASE 11 

have to take your place in line. There's a lot of people 
ahead of you. 

RosiE (sighing). He's so popular! 

Gertrude. Oh, I don't mind waiting. (Produces shop- 
ping list.) Let me see. You know, I made a list of every- 
thing. Isn't it awful the things one needs? Morning ap- 
parel, afternoon frocks, evening gowns, hats, shoes, slip- 
pers, gloves, lingerie — oh, I wonder if I've spelled lingerie 
correctly ? 

Sallie. You'll find dictionaries in the book section — 
third floor. 

Gertrude. I do wish mama had come with me. This 
is such hard work. I believe a cup of hot chocolate would 
cheer me up. Yes, I know it would. I'm so awfully ner- 
vous. Please page me when Mr. Coyne is at leisure. Thank 
you. (Exits L.) 

Sallie (laughs). Aren't we the popular little sales girls? 
We nearly sold something today. 

RosiE. I don't blame them for waiting for him. (Rap- 
turously.) I'd wait all my life for him! 

Coyne (off^ R.). All right. I'll see you after a bit. 
Come along, Smoke. 

Sallie (to Rosie). Tell it to him, dearie. I'm going to 
lunch. (Exits hurriedly L. Rosie hesitates an instant, cast- 
ing longing eyes at R., then follozvs Sallie.) 

Enter Coyne, R., followed by Smoke. 

Coyne. My word ; what I cawn't understand — what 
quite overcomes me is, why you hit that beastly telegraph 
pole. Answer me ! Didn't you see the bally old pole ? 

Smoke. Yes, sah ; I seen it — after we hit it — after, sah ! 

Coyne. But I say, y' know, you told me you jolly well 
knew how to drive a car. 

Smoke. I does know how to drive a car, Yo' gotta 
admit we was goin' along jus' beautifully till we struck dat 
pole. 

Coyne. By Jove, y' know I cawn't put up with this sort 
of thing. First you knock over a man and then you attack 
that pole. Didn't you see the man, either? 



12 WALK THIS WAY, PLEASE 

Smoke. Sure thing I seen him. Dat was yo' fault I hit 
dat man. 

Coyne. My fault ? My word ! No ; it was not my fault. 
I said to you, "Smoke, give him the right of way." 

Smoke. Lordy, man ! I thought yo' say, "Git him right 
away." 

Coyne. You will have to be more careful, old Smoke. I 
cawn't have you scratching the paint off my car bumping 
into every strange man you meet, y' know. 

Smoke. Yes, sah. I expects de reason am because I 
ain't tasted food fo' several days now. 

Coyne. Well, old top, you haven't missed anything. It's 
the same old taste. 

Smoke. Den again, it may be 'cause I ain't had no great 
amount of salary from yo' of late. I don't even remember 
like I git a tip from yo'. 

Coyne. Now that's a bally libel. I nevah forget to tip 
you, old Smoke. And my tip is ten dollars or nothing. 

Smoke. Yes, sah; mostly nothing. I ain't complainin', 
sah, but if yo' ask me I nevah even see 3^0' tip yo' hat. 

Coyne (as the point slozvly dawns upon him, laughs 
heartily and slaps Smoke on the shoulder.) Bah Jove, 
that's a beastly clever thing, Smoke — awfully so ! I shall 
try and remember that one. Now let me see — ah, yes. I 
nevah even see you raise your hat. {Repeats line to firmly 
plant it, then again laughs heartily.) 

Smoke {disgustedly). And dey shot men like Lincoln 
and McKinley. 

Coyne. That's a jolly pun, my word ! 

Smoke. Den suppose yo' hand me some jolly money — 
yo' knov/ I gotta live. 

Coyne. Yaas, but do you consider it important that you 
live? 

Smoke. Yes, sah — it is to me — 

Coyne. Now, Smoke, old top, permit me to inquire — 
I am curious to know what you did with the ten dollars I 
gave you yesterday. I gave you a ten dollar bill yesterday 
aftahnoon, did I not? 



WALK THIS WAY, PLEASE 13 

Smoke. Yes, sah, I remember now yo' did, and I done 
spent it all. 

Coyne. Ah, you acknowledge the fact, do you? Very 
good. Now you will please tell me how you spent ten 
dollars since yesterday aftahnoon. 

Smoke. Well, sah, I spent fo' dollahs fo' whiskey, three 
doUahs fo' gin and one dollah fo' cigarettes — 

Coyne. Yes, yes ; four for whiskey, three for gin and 
a dollar for cigarettes; that's nine dollars. What did you 
do with the other dollar? 

Smoke. Has you got to know dat? 

Coyne. Yaas, what did you do with that other dollar? 

Smoke. Well, if yo' must know, I reckon I spent that 
other dollar foolishly. 

Loud and excited talking is heard off R. and enter the 
four models, Josie, Mabel, Angie and Flossie. They are 
attired in charming negligee costttmes. They encircle 
Coyne, chattering industriously. 

Four Models. Oh, Mr. Coyne, Miss Gottrox is in the 
store — she's to buy a complete trousseau — spend thousands 
— just to think she should select this store, etc., etc. 

Coyne (finally restoring order). Now, now, my very 
deah young ladies, what is this bally old thing all about? 
No, no ; don't talk — don't disturb yourselves. I gather that 
some young lady with money is within our midst, and is 
quite willing to release it on consideration that we supply 
her with a few articles of wearing apparel suitable to array 
her for her forthcoming nuptial ceremony. (The girls pan- 
tomime conversation.) 

Smoke (aside). By golly, and he told the girls not to 
talk. 

Coyne. Very good, my very deah young ladies. We 
shall attempt to captivate the moneyed eyes of Miss Ger- 
trude Gottrox, and suffer her to depart from our establish- 
ment with far less money than when she entered it. I sug- 
gest that you disappear forthwith to the privacy of your 
dressing parlor and don some fetching, bewitching and ex- 
pensive finery calculated as best appropriate for the cere- 



14 WALK THIS WAY, PLEASE 

mony or ordeal that Miss Gottrox is shortly to undergo. 
Shoo! Begone! {He shoos them off R.) 

Smoke {aside, gazing longingly after girls). Oh, boy! 
Dat tall dark one I 

Coyne. Now, Smoke, old top, if you are not exactly 
satisfied with your employment here, you may seek else- 
where for a position. 

Smoke {still gazing in direction girls have gone). And 
dat blonde lady — oh, oh ! 

Coyne. Did you heah me, old Smoke? 

Smoke. Yes, sah, de fust time I heard yo'. I'll dare yo' 
to discharge me. Say, yo' been cheatin' me, boss. I didn't 
know yo' had dem birds cooped up in here. Oh, where 
have I been all of their lives ! 

Coyne. Now, now, Smoke, remember you are black, 
and they — well, you nevah can be anything in their young 
lives. 

Smoke. Yes, I knows dat, boss ; but yo' can't stop me 
from lookin'. I gotta a right to look, ain't I? 

Coyne. No, not even look. They are not for you — 
entirely out of your class. 

Smoke. Look heah, boss. If I'm ridin' on a train sec- 
ond class and yo' is on de same train ridin' fust class, ain't 
I gotta right to admire the same scenery as yo'? 

Coyne {produces cigarette from case and taps end 
thoughtfully zvhile his slow wits grasp the point). Old 
Smoke, I can jolly well see where you are correct. Bah 
Jove, that's a ripping comparison — stupendously ripping! 
{Searches pocket for match.) Although I feel jolly sorry 
that you must ride "second class" and "view the scenery" 
all through life — 

Smoke. Oh, I don't mind. There's a whole lot of fel- 
lows in de same coach with me. 

Coyne {fails to find a match.) I say, old Smoke, have 
you a match? (Smoke produces match. Coyne attempts 
to ignite it and fails.) I say, that bally match is no good. 
It won't light. 

Smoke. Dat's funny. It lit all right dis mawnin'. 



WALK THIS WAY, PLEASE 15 

Coyne (throws match disgustedly). All right, old 
Smokie, I must stop this spoofing and attend to business. 
I suppose I shall have to be a blighter clerk, don't y' know, 
and have all sorts of vulgar persons ask me silly questions 
and all that sort of thing. My word ! 

Smoke (imitating Coyne). Yaas, my word! (Yazvns in 
bored manner.) 

Coyne. In the meantime you might look about for a 
garage. You should jolly well have a garage for the car 
at night. 

Smoke (retiring to R.). We don't need no garage to put 
dat car in at night. 

Coyne. And why should not my car be housed in a 
garage at night? 

Smoke. Because it's a runabout. (Exits R.) 

(Coyne struggles to absorb the point and fails, finally 
turns to millinery table, picks up a hat trimmed zvith long 
feather and altogether a screaming satire, dusts his cloth- 
ing and shoes.) 

Enter from L., Mrs. Injam, Mrs. Hightower and the 
children. 

Mrs. I. (breathlessly). Mr. Coyne? (He bozvs ceremo- 
niously.) I am Mrs. Injam. 

Coyne. I am quite sure I am deeply surprised. 

Mrs. H. And I am Mrs. Hightower. Haven't I seen 
you somewhere? 

Coyne. It's possible, madam. I've been there quite fre- 
quently. 

Bobbie. Oh, mama, he's only got one glass eye. Papa 
has two. 

Dorothy. Ask him som.ething else, mama. He talks 
so funny. 

Mrs. I. Hush, child, you will embarrass him. (Sud- 
denly discovers feathered hat in Coyne's hand.) Oh, Mr. 
Coyne, do let me see that hat! (Takes hat, holds it up 
admiringlyf.) Isn't that a dear? 

Mrs. H. Exquisite ! So chic ! Why, it has Paris written 



16 WALK THIS WAY, PLEASE 

all over it. Just what I've hunted the shops here for. 
{Reaches for hat.) 

Mrs. I. {withdrawing it). You will excuse me, my dear 
Mrs. Hightower, but I discovered it first. 

Mrs. H. Oh, it wouldn't be at all becoming to you. 
You're much too old for a chic creation lilce that, you 
know. 

Mrs. I. {frigidly). Thank you. {To Coyne.) How 
much is this hat, Mr. Coyne? 

Coyne. I don't know. 

Mrs. I. Don't know? Is it imported? 

Coyne. I don't know. 

Mrs. H. It's a very late model, is it not? 

Coyne. I don't know. 

Mrs. I. Haven't you any brains? 

Coyne {absent mindedly). I don't know. {Gives his 
attention to the children, pantomiming a playful conver- 
sation.) 

Enter Gussie, R. 

Mrs. H. {appealing to Gussie). Perhaps you can give 
us information regarding this hat. 

Gussie {gigglingly) . Really, you know, you flatter me. 
But isn't it a hat, though? 

Mrs. I. Now that's what I call real information. He 
tells us that it is a hat. 

Mrs. H. {to Gussie). What's the price of it? 

Gussie {looking hat over for price mark). Why, really, 
there's no price on it. They must be giving it away. Te- 
hee ! Te-hee ! 

Enter Sallie and Rosie, L. Sallie goes back of coun- 
ter, R., and Rosie assumes pose for Coyne's benefit. 

Mrs. I. {to Coyne). Really, Mr. Coyne, this is a queer 
establishment. Nobody appears to know anything. 

Coyne. Y' know, I believe you're jolly well right. 

Sallie {to Mrs. Injam). Oh! Were you looking at 
that hat? {Comes dozvn to her.) 

Mrs. I. Humph ! That really is a clever girl. She saw 



WALK THIS WAY, PLEASE 17 

at a glance that I was looking at this hat. Maybe you can 
tell me the price. 

Sallie. Yes, ma'am. Forty-five dollars. 

Mrs. H. (gaspingly). Forty-five dollars? 

Mrs. I. (witheringly). How ridiculously cheap. 

Coyne (to Sallie). YouVe made a mistake, Miss. 
Forty-five is merely for the hat. The feather is extra (Mrs. 
Hightower gasps.) 

Mrs. I. Oh, that's different. I thought the young woman 
didn't know what she was talking about. How m.uch is the 
feather ? 

Coyne. That feather? Y' know that feather — did you 
ask me what it was — no, no ; of course it's a feather. We 
all know it's a feather, so why discuss it further? 

Mrs. H. Is it a 1918 model creation? 

Sallie. No — nineteen seventeen. (This hit is done as 
though they were bidders at an auction.) 

Gussie. Nineteen eighteen. 

Mrs. I. I say, nineteen seventeen. 

Mrs. H. Humph! Nineteen fifteen. 

Sallie. Nineteen seventeen — nineteen seventeen! 

Coyne. And sold for nineteen seventeen. (To Mrs. 
In JAM.) Any alterations you suggest in the bally old hat, 
Mrs. Injam? 

Mrs. I. No, I shall take it as it is. 

Mrs. H. No, it won't make any difference. She'll be 
back tomorrow to change it anyhow. 

Coyne. Quite right. They all do. Anything else today, 
ladies, before I go to lunch? 

Mrs. I. (produces hill and extends it to Coyne). I don't 
know. I'll look around. 

Coyne. I wish you would. I'm ashamed to take the 
money while you are looking at me. 

Mrs. I. (putting hill in purse). I've changed my mind. 
You may charge it. Come, children. I'll take you up to 
the animal section, and you may play with the cute little 
bear cubs. 



18 WALK THIS WAY, PLEASE 

Coyne (to Gussie). Direct them, Mr. Shanks; but, mind 
you, don't let the children bite the baby elephant. 

Gussie. Walk this way, please. (Gussie, Mrs. In jam, 
Mrs. Hightower and the children exeunt R. zvith much 
chattering and confusion.) 

Coyne (to Rosie, and Sallie). Ah, good morning, girls. 
(They smile their greeting.) Y' know, bah Jove, I'm get- 
ting to be a regular business person — a jolly well salesman 
and all that sort of thing — 

JosiE (interrupts). Oh, Mr. Coyne. (She is partly con- 
cealed by curtains or raised platform, and the curtains are 
draped artistically about her so that only her bare neck 
and shoulders and a silken-clad ankle are visible.) 

Coyne (turning about, zviih monocle hastily raised to 
eye). Hey? Bah Jove — what a vision ! What a potato — er, 
I mean, pippin ! 

JosiE. I just wanted to tell you that we are preparing 
a demonstration for Miss Gottrox. Don't go away, will 
you? (Disappears from view behind curtain.) 

Coyne. Go away? I should jolly well think not. (To 
the girls, significantly.) Ah, you may go to lunch now. 

RosiE (haughtily) . We have been to lunch. 

Sallie (laughingly). But of course, if Josie — well, I 
know where a dollar buys the best lunch in town. 

Coyne (produces tzvo or three bills). You're a jolly 
clever feminine. Here you are — and don't hurry back. 
(Sallie takes money, grabs Rosie and forcibly rushes her 
off R., Coyne following them with a self-satisfied expres-.. 
sion and jaunty step.) 

Enter L., Gertrude and Hudson. 

Gertrude. I'm sure I left word to have Mr. Coyne noti- 
fied I wished to see him just as soon as he came in. 

Hudson. So did I. (Sighs and glances admiringly at 
her). And so you are to be married. Ah, me, would that 
I were to be the happy man ! 

Gertrude (laughs). You? Why, Mr. Hudson, you for- 
get the difference in our ages. 



WALK THIS WAY, PLEASE 19 

Hudson. Yes, I know I may be old, but I have very- 
young ideas. {Sighs loudly.) I suppose it's too late now. 

Gertrude. Yes, quite. I am selecting my trousseau. 
But thus far I have been so disappointed in what I've seen. 
One should go abroad I really think to obtain genuine sat- 
isfaction. 

Hudson. Quite so, quite so, Miss Gottrox. I am of the 
healthy opinion that some women should go abroad and 
stay there. I know I felt that way regarding my wife. 

Gertrude. I am surprised. I never knew you were 
married. 

Hudson. Oh, yes ; but I don't go around bragging about 
it. We've been divorced five years. 

Gertrude. Gracious ! I do hope my affair doesn't termi- 
nate in a divorce court. You and your wife didn't get along 
well together, then? 

Hudson. No ; the only time we ever went out together 
was when our gasoline stove exploded. (Gertrude starts 
L.) What? Going? 

Gertrude. Yes, it just occurred to me that there were 
two or three articles on the second floor I had failed to 
price. (Exits L.) 

Hudson (staring after her in admiration) . By George, 
but she's a heart breaker. 

Enter Coyne, R. 

Coyne. Oh, I say, and were you asking for me, don't 
y' know? 

Hudson (whirling and facing Coyne). Yes, and it's 
about time. Is the buyer in? 

Coyne. No, the buyer's out of town, but the cellar's in 
the basement. (Removes coat.) Pretty hot day, isn't it? 

Hudson. Yes, it's hot ; but what's pretty about it. 

Coyne. Bah Jove, that's deucedly well put. I must re- 
member that, y' know. Let me see. A chap says to me, 
or I say to chap, "Pretty hot day, isn't it?" Then I say to 
the chap, or the chap retaliates by saying, "Yes, it's hot, but 
what's beautiful about it?" (Laughs.) 



20 WALK THIS WAY, PLEASE 

Hudson. You have a remarkable sense of wit. English, 
are you not? Traveled much? 

Coyne. Jove, yes. Look at the mud on my shoes. 

Hudson. I suppose you are proud of being an English- 
man? 

Coyne. My word, yes. 

Hudson. What one thing did you English ever put over 
on this country? Tell me just one thing, sir. 

Coyne. Well, old top, we have the flag we captured at 
Bunker Hill. 

Hudson. Yes, but we have Bunker Hill. Spoofing aside, 
show me a shirt. 

Coyne. A shirt? Oh, yes, to be sure. A shirt, of course. 
{Goes to counter and paws over goods.) Strange. I'm jolly 
well positive I saw a shirt somewhere today. Perhaps I 
was wearing one. {Discovers box of shirts.) Ah, yes, here 
we are. Here we have a shirt. {Takes shirt from box, holds 
it up for inspection.) Beautiful shirt, isn't it? 

Hudson. Not bad. How much? 

Coyne {cons box for price mark, notes size of neckband 
and mistakes it for price mark). Ah, yes; here we are. 
Seventeen. 

Hudson. Seventeen? Seventeen dollars for a shirt? 
Outrageous, sir ! Seventeen dollars for one shirt. 

Coyne. My word, it does seem a fabulous sum for a 
shirt, doesn't it? 

Hudson. I won't pay it. 

Coyne. Bah Jove, I don't blame you. I wouldn't pay 
seventeen dollars for any blooming shirt I ever saw. But 
that's the price marked here. You can see for yourself. 
Seventeen. What? {Displays figures on box.) 

Hudson. Why, you fool, that's the size — the neckband 
size. 

Coyne. My word, so it is ; so it is. 

Hudson. It's my size all right. How much? 

Coyne. Candidly I don't know. Suppose we say one 
poun(J. 



WALK THIS WAY, PLEASE 21 

Hudson. You mean five dollars? Say. I can get a shirt 
like that at Kelly's for two-fifty. 

Coyne. I dare say you're right. Why don't you go to 
Kelly's? 

Hudson. Because Kelly is out of them just now. 

Coyne. Well, you come in here when I haven't got any 
and you can have one for two-fifty. Anything else I can 
show you today, old chap? 

Hudson. No ; it's getting late. I'll come in again to- 
morrow morning. 

Coyne. Quite right, old chap. Let it go till morning. 
Think it over tonight. Things always look different in the 
morning, I've heard. Personally, I don't know — I never 
get up till aftahnoon. (Yazvns in bored fashion.) 
Enter Gertrude, L. 

Gertrude. Mr. Coyne? 

Coyne. Yes, to be sure. Pardon me. (Dons coat, 
smiles.) 

Gertrude. I am Miss Gottrox. I am to be married, 
you know. 

Coyne (zvlth mock pathos). My, my, what a pity!^ And 
so young, too. Is there no escape for you from this im- 
pending calamity? 

Gertrude. But I do not wish to escape, sir. 

Hudson. By George, to marry her wouldn't be my idea 
of a calamity. 

Gertrude (to Coyne). Besides, I have fully determined 
that you shall assist me in the selection of my trousseau. 

Coyne. Oh, your trousseau — that's another matter. Um ! 
Just where shall we begin? (Glances helplessly ahont.) 

Gertrude (just as helplessly). I'm sure I haven't the 
least idea. I do wish mama had come with me. 

Hudson. Ah, have you a mother? 

Gertrude. Surely. 

Coyne. My word, of course she has a mother. The 
young lady here is a daughter on her mother's side. Now 
don't get nervous. Miss Gottrox ; you may just spend all the 
money you wish. I shall bear up under the strain, y' know. 



22 WALK THIS WAY, PLEASE 

Enter Rosie ajid Sallie, R. They burst in excitedly. 

RosiE (to Coyne, eagerly). Everything is all ready for 
the trousseau display, Mr. Coyne. 

Sallie (to Rosie). Yes, and that's the nearest you'll 
ever get to one — seeing it on some other girl. 

Coyne (to Gertrude, placing chair for her). Be seated, 
please, and keep your eye on the curtained platform imme- 
diately in the rear — thank you — now look pleasant. We will 
demonstrate the different costumes with the aid of live 
models. Good idea — what? 

Gertrude (indicating Hudson). Is he — this gentleman 
— to remain? 

Hudson. Live models? I'll dare anybody to put me 
out. 

Enter Mrs. Injam, Mrs. Hightower, Gusste and the 
children, R. They group themselves hack of Gertrude 
at L. 

Mrs. I. (excitedly) . Oh, I just can't wait. 

Mrs. H. What a wonderful treat this will prove — pro- 
viding they carry out the Parisian idea. 

Hudson. If they don't I'll call for a rain check. 

Coyne. And now we are quite ready to begin. Hold 
tight, everybody ! 

(Orchestra breaks into a soft, pretty strain of music, 
Coyne claps his hands, all stage ligJits are entirely extin- 
guished and then a strong spotlight is throivn on platform, 
the ctirtains are drazmi, disclosing one of the girl models 
in stunning afternoon gozmi. She slozvly turns around tzvo 
or three times and then comes dozvn steps, zvalks gracefully 
about stage to music's rhythm, then exits R. Coyne de- 
scribes her costume in detail from the moment of her first 
appearance until her exit. All lights up at her exit, zvJiich 
is follozved by an outburst of applause from the otJiers.) 

Bobbie. Oh, mama, buy me that. 

Mrs. H. Perfectly exquisite. 
, Mrs. I. Ah, they didn't have such clothes as that when 
I was a girl, did they, Mr. Coyne? 



WALK THIS WAY, PLEASE 23 

Coyne. Really, I cawn't say. However, I should imag- 
ine they had some sort of clothes or something to wear, 
y' know. 

Gertrude. You may mark down that gown for me, Mr. 
Coyne. 

Hudson. Rather expensive, if I am any judge. Imagine 
a man dressing a wife in a govv^i like that. 

Coyne. My dear chap, it isn't the original cost — it's the 
up-keep. 

(Coyne claps his hands, all lights out, to music, spotlight 
is thrown on curtains and a second girl is disclosed, attired 
in evening gown. Coyne details her costume zvhile she 
walks dozvn steps, about stage and exits L. The curtains 
have been closed and are now drazun again, shozuing the 
third girl in a somczvhat daring costume. She, too, indulges 
in the same business as the preceding models, to detail talk 
by Coyne, and exits R. Again the closed curtains open 
and the fourth girl is shown in a nifty bathing costume. 
Same business as other girls, but instead of exiting she goes 
R. and assumes effective pose. The other three models 
enter from L. and R. and also assume poses. Curtains are 
now closed and all lights up full.) 

Coyne. Now, before we go any further, I wish to say 
that if any of you are inclined to be — ah, nervous, or — well, 
you have likely observed that each costume shown has been 
a little more daring than the preceding one, so I warn you 
that there is time for the timid or prudish ones to leave 
before we proceed further. What? 

(There are cries of ''Go ahead!'' ''Proceed T "IV e are all 
with you," "Style is style,'' etc.) 

Hudson. Throw her into high speed. I wear shock 
absorbers. 

(Mrs. In jam suddenly grabs the cJiildren and hustles 
them off L., then returns to her former place. Coyne claps 
his hands and at the signal the curtains part, disclosing 
Smoke. He grins broadly and starts to imitate actions of 
one of the models. General consternation, to — 

Quick Curtain. 



The Spark o£ Life 

By HARRY L. NEWTON 

Price, 25 Cents 

Fantastic comedy in 3 acts; 4 males, 4 females. Time, 2 
hours. Scenes: 1 interior, 1 exterior. Characters: Herman 
Heinie, a German doll maker. Bud Barlow, a college youth. 
Tommy Tucker, the "darling child." Willard Peck, the mysterious 
stranger. Clarice, Bud's sweetheart. Toots Snodgrass, the house- 
maid. Mrs, Heinie, the old doll maker's second wife. Dora Mee, 
a neighbor's daughter. 

SYNOPSIS 

Act I. — Herman Heinie, the eccentric doll maker of Happy 
Hollow, searching for the Spark of Life with which to put the 
breath of life into his Masterpiece. Toots the maid of all M^ork, 
who is afraid of work but knows how to extract a tip. "Ain't 
he just splen-did." The Mephistophelian plot which brings the 
doll to life. Everybody happy but not for long. The mysterious 
stranger "I beg your pardon." The dream comes true, but — 

Act IT. — In which Mrs. Heinie falls in love with the devil, and 
the road of true love has many twists and turns. The mysterious 
stranger who will not "stay put." A new recipe for Angel Food, 
spoiled by too many cooks. The Masterpiece disappears. Sixes 
and sevens. "I'll paint my face and be a real lady." 

Act III. — "Everybody hates everybody they shouldn't and 
everybody loves everybody they shouldn't." Bud, the cause of it 
all, as popular as an Indian with the smallpox. The deception dis- 
closed. Herman turns over a new leaf. "I bought a new pair of 
trousers yesterday and by golly I'm going to wear them from now 
on. The worm turns, back to the kitchen where you belong. 
The fifty thousand dollar legacy sacrificed for love. A triple court- 
ship. "All my life I've been searching for the Spark of Life and 
now at last I've found it — it's love, that's what it is, love." "Ain't 
he just splen-did." 

Happy School Days 

By JESSIE A. KELLEY 

Price, 25 Cents 

Humorous entertainment; 14 males, 11 females. Time, about 
iy2 hours. Scene: Easy interior. The old school entertainment has 
long been a prime favorite with societies, churches, etc., as a sure 
means of raising money. This is a new phase and breaks away 
from the traditional setting — the little school at the village, or at 
the country cross-roads. It being more cosmopolitan., depicting 
the humorous trials of the city principal and the teachers of the 
various grades. Introduces impish and fun-craving youngsters 
of many nationalities; their parents with ridiculous complaints and 
absurd ideas of our school system; janitor, school physician, truant 
officer, etc. More characters could be easily introduced. Drills, 
recitations, etc., may be added according to talent. The comic 
effect will be decidedly enhanced if played by prominent or elderly 
people. 

T. S. DENISON & COMPANY, Publishers 

154 W. Randolph Street, CHICAGO 



DENISON'S ACTING PLAYS 

Prlc« 15 Cent* Each, Postpaid. Unless Different Price Is Given 



M. F. 

Winning Widow, 2 acts, IJ^ hrs. 

(25c) 2 4 

Women Who Did, 1 hr...(25c) 17 

Yankee Detective, 3 acts, 2 hrs. 8 3 

FARCES. COMEDIETAS, Etc. 

All on a Summer's Day, 40 min. 4 6 

April Fools, 30 min 3 

Assessor, The, 10 min 3 2 

Baby Show at Pineville, 20 min. 19 

Billy's Chorus Girl, 25 min... 2 3 

Billy's Mishap, 20 min 2" 3 

Borrowed Luncheon, 20 min.. 5 

Borrowing Trouble, 20 min 3 5 

Case Against Casey, 40 min... 23 

Country Justice, 15 min 8 

Cow that Kicked Chicago, 20 m. 3 2 

Divided Attentions, 35 min 1 4 

Dude in a Cyclone, 20 min.... 4 2 

Family Strike, 20 min. 3 3 

First-Class Hotel, 20 min 4 

For Love and Honor, 20 min.." 2 1 

Fudge and a Burglar, 15 min.. 5 

Fun in Photo Gallery, 30 min.. 6 10 
Great Medical Dispensary, 30 m. 6 
Great Pumpkin Case, 30 min.. 1 2 

Hans Von Smash, 30 min.... 4 3 

I'm Not Mesilf at All, 25 min. 3 2 
Initiating a Granger, 25 min.. 8 

Irish Linen Peddler, 40 min... 3 3 

Is 'the Editor In? 20 min... 4 2 

Kansas Immigrants, 20 min... 5 1 

Men Not Wanted, 30 min 8 

Mike Donovan's Courtship, 15 m. 1 3 

Mother Goose's Goslings, 30 m. 7 9 

Mrs. Jenkins' Brilliant Idea, 35m. 8 

Mrs. Stubbins' Book Agent, 30 m. 3 2 

My Wife's Relations, 1 hr.... 4 6 

Not a Man in the House, 40 m. 5 

Pair of Lunatics, 20 min 1 1 

Patsy O'Wang, 35 min 4 3 

Pat, the Apothecary, 35 min.. 6 2 

Persecuted Dutchman, 30 min. 6 3 

Regular Fix, 35 min 6 4 

Second Childhood, 15 min 2 2 

Shadows, 35 min 2 2 

Sing a Song of Seniors, 30 min. 7 

Taking Father's Place, 30 min. 5 3 

Taming a Tiger, 30 min 3 

That Rascal Pat, 30 min 3 2 

Those Red Envelopes, 25 min. 4 4 
Too Much of a Good Thing, 45 

min. 3 6 

Turn Him Out, 35 min 3 2 

Two Aunts and a Photo, .20 m. 4 
Two Gentlemen in a Fix, '15 m. 2 

Two Ghosts in White, 20 min . . 8 

Two of a Kind, 40 min 2 3 

Uncle Dick's Mistake, 20 min.. 3 2 

Wanted a (Correspondent, 45 m. 4 4 

Wanted a Hero, 20 min 1 1 



M. F. 

Wide Enough for Two, 45 min. 5 2 

Wrong Baby, 25 min 8 

Yankee Peddler, 1 hr 7 3 

VAUDEVILLE SKETCHES, MON- 
OLOGUES, ETHIOPIAN PLAYS. 

Ax'in' Her Father, 25 min 2 3 

Booster Club of Blackville, 25 m.lO 
Breakfast Food for Two, 20 m. 1 1 

Cold Finish, 15 min 2*1 

Colored Honeymoon, 25 min... 2 2 
Coon Creek Courtship, 15 min. 1 1 
Coming Champion, 20 min.... 2 
Coontown Thirteen Club, 25 m.l4 

Counterfeit Bills, 20 min 1 1 

Darktown Fire Brigade, 25 min. 10 
Doings of a Dude, 20 min.... 2 1. 

Dutch Cocktail, 20 min 2 

For Reform, 20 min 4 

Fresh Timothy Hay, 20 min.. 2 1 
Glickman, the Glazier, 25 min. 1 1 
Good Mornin' Judge, 35 min.. 9 2 

Her Hero, 20 min 1 1 

Hey, Rube! 15 min 1 

Home Run, 15 min 1 1 

Jumbo Jum, 30 min 4 3 

Little Red School House. 20 m. 4 
Love and Lather, 35 min..,.. 3 2 
Marriage and After, 10 min.. 1 

Memphis Mose, 25 min 5 1 

Mischievous Nigger, 25 min.. 4 2 

Mistaken Miss, 20 min 1 1 

Mr. and Mrs. Fido, 20 min 1 1 

Oh, Doctor! 30 min 6 2 

One Sweetheart for Two, 20 m. 2 
Oshkosh Next Week, 20 min . . 4 

Oyster Stew, 10 min.. 2 

Pete Yansen's Gurl's Moder, 10m. 1 

Pickles for Two, 15 min 2 

Pooh Bah of Peacetown, 35 min. 2 2 
Prof. Black's Funnygraph, 15 m. 6 

Sham Doctor, 10 min 4 2 

Si and I, 15 min 1 

Special Sale, 15 min... 2 

Stage Struck Darky, 10 min.. 2 1 
Sunny Son of Italy, IS min.. 1 

Time Table, 20 min.; 1 1 

Tramp and the Actress, 20 min. 1 1 
Troubled by Ghosts, 10 min... 4 
Troubles of Rozinski, 15 min.. 1 
Two Jay Detectives, 15 min.. 3 
Umbrella Mender, 15 min.... 2 

Uncle Jeff, 25 min 5 2 

What Happened to Hannah, 15m. 1 1 



A great number of 

Standard and Amateur Plays 

not found here are listed In 

Denlson's Catalogue 



T. S. DENISON & COMPANY, Pub»shers,154 W. Randolph St. . Chicago 



LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 



018 349 448 A 4\ 



POPULAR ENTERTAINMENT BOOKS 

Price, Illustrated Paper Covers, 30 cents each 




IN this Series 
are found 
books touching 
every feature 
in the enter- 
tainment field. 
Finely m a d e, 
good paper, 
clear print and 
each book has 
an attractive 
individual cov- 
er design. 
A Partial List 

DIALOGUES 

All Sorts of Dialogues. 

Selected, fine for older pupils. 
Catchy Comic Dialogues. 

Very clever; for young people. 
Children's Comic Dialogues. 

From six to eleven years of age. 
Country School Diaiogues. 

Brand new, original. 
Dialogues for District Schools. 

For country schools. 
Dialogues from Dickens. 

Thirteen selections. 
The Friday Afternoon Dialogues. 

Over 50,000 copies sold. 
From Tots to Teens. 

Dialogues and recitations. 
Humorous Homespun Dialogues. 

For older ones. 
Little People's Plays. 

From 7 to 13 years of age. 
Lively Dialogues. 

For all ages; mostly humorous. 
Merry Little Dialogues. 

Thirty-eight original selections. 
When the Lessons are Over. 

Dialogues, drills, plays. 
Wide Awake Dialogues. 

Original successful. 

SPEAKERS, MONOLOGUES 

Choice Pieces for Little People. 

A child's speaker. 
The Comic Entertainer. 

Recitations, monologues, dialogues^ 
Dialect Readings. 

Irish, Dutch, Negro, Scotch, etc. 
The Favorite Speaker. 

Choice prose and poetry. 
The Friday Afternoon Speaker. 

For pupils of all ages. 
Humorous IVIonologues. 

Particularly for ladies. 
Monologues for Young Folk^. 

Clever, humorous, original. '• 



Monologues Grave and Gay. 

Dramatic and humorous. 
Scrap- Book Recitations. 

Choice collections, pathetic, hu- 
morous, descriptive, prose, 
poetry. 15 Nos., per No. 25c 

DRILLS 

The Best Drill Book. 

Very popular drills and marches. 
The Favorite Book of Drills. 

Drills that sparkle with originality. 
Little Playa With Drills. 

For children from 6 to 11 years. 
The Surprise Drill Book. 

Fresh, novel, drills and marches. 

SPECIALTIES 

The Boys' Entertainer. 

Monologues, dialogues, drills. 
Children's Party Book. 

Invitations, decorations, games. 
The Days We Celebrate. 

Entertainments for all the holidays. 
Good Things for Christmas. 

Recitations, dialogues, drills. 
Good Things for Sunday Schools. 

Dialogues, exercises, recitations. 
Good Things for Thanksgiving. 

A gem of a book. 
Good Things for Washington 

and Lincoln Birthdays. 
Little Folks' Budget. 

Easy pieces to speak, songs. 
One Hundred Entertainments. 

New parlor diversions, socials. 
Patriotic Celebrations. 

Great variety of material. 
Pictured Readings and Tableaux. 

Entirely original features. 
Pranks and Pastimes. 

Parlor games for children. 
Private Theatricals. 

How to put on plays. 
Shadow Pictures, Pantomimes, 

Charades, and how to prepare. 
Tableaux and Scenic Readings. 

New and novel; for all ages. 
Twinkling Fingers and Sway- 
ing Figures. For little tots. 
Yuletide Entertainments. 

A choice Christmas collection. 

MINSTRELS, JOKES 

Black American Joker. 

Minstrels' and end men's gags. 
A Bundle of Burnt Cork Comedy. 

Monologues, stump speeches, etc. 
Laughland, via the Ha-Ha Route. 

A merry trip for fun tourists. 
Negro Minstrels. 

All about the business. 
The New Jolly Jester. 

Funny stories, jokes, gags, etc. 

Large Illustrated Catalogue Free 



T.S.DENISON & COMPANY^Pubiishers,154W.Randolph St., Chicago 



